No What Ifs
by xbamxheartagramx
Summary: Garrus is in love with Shepard, but she doesn't want him to get hurt. Sucky summary. Good story (I think). Garrus/FemShep. Smut. Language. Drinking All. the good stuff.


A/N: Just a little drabble. I wanted to write a bitch Shepard. Feeling rather renegade tonight. Set in ME3 with no ME1 or ME2 romance. Enjoy.

Jane Shepard was not a woman you could easily get close to. She carried herself with an air of importance bred from a military career. That's not saying that she was cruel. Just offish. Difficult to get a read on. She wasn't your friend or your coworker, she was your boss. So when one of her crew decides to take their relationship from 'harmless banter' to 'blowing off steam' it threw her for a bit of a loop.

"So, Lola," James sauntered up next to her in the lounge where Shepard sat with an array of empty shot glasses on the bar before her, "something on your mind?"

"Remind me, Vega, when was the last time I confided in you about what was or wasn't on my mind?" Shepard threw back a shot of…whatever this blue shit was and dropped the empty glass on the bar unceremoniously.

"There was that one time we tussled in the shuttle bay." James replied pouring himself a glass and sipping on it.

"That was you whining about a bunch of dead colonists." She held up an empty glass. "Make yourself useful and pour me some of…that." She said gesturing to the bottle. Vega complied filling the glass to the brim and watching as Shepard downed it and wiped her mouth.

"Oh that hurts, Lola. Really."

"Bite me, asshole." Shepard replied reaching for the bottle which James pulled just out of her reach. She raised an eyebrow at him before he slid it back towards her and she poured herself another shot.

"From what I hear, that spot isn't up for grabs anymore." James said downing his own drink and shaking his head to ward off the taste. Shepard stilled for a moment before setting the bottle back on the bar.

"The fuck does that mean?" She asked throwing back yet another shot.

"Just a rumor I heard." Vega said setting his glass on the bar. She was going to kill Joker. "Lola, I don't think you should have any more of those. Seriously, I've seen people die from less than that."

"Fuck off. It's my bar. I'll do what I want with it." Shepard grumbled wrapping her arms protectively around her mess.

"Your funeral." James said with a shrug. "Actually, it's everyone's funeral." Shepard sighed at that.

"Look, _compadre_, I don't need anyone to remind me about our mission. I fucking remember. So take your two cents and shove them up your hiney hole." She decided to forsake the use of another glass and this time took a swig out of the bottle. James frowned.

"Sorry, Lola. I'm just worried. You've never been like this before." He began gathering their glasses and rinsing them off in the sink. Shepard didn't try to hinder or help him.

"Yea, well, I've never dealt with anything like this before." She said cursing herself for letting the weakness show.

"I get the feeling you aren't talking about the Reapers…" James said drying his hands on his pants legs. At that moment the door swished open and the telltale click of booted talons on the floor alerted them to Garrus' approach.

"Vega." Garrus nodded at the marine who nodded back. He gazed over Shepard's hunched form, the scent of alcohol burning his nose. "Shepard?" He asked tentatively. There was a pause before the Commander swiveled around on her stool with a half empty bottle of Asari vodka in her hand.

"Garrus." She said with a smile. She leaned back against the bar in an attempt to look nonchalant. Her cheeks reddened at the sight of him and he got the feeling it wasn't just from her inebriated state.

"I'm gonna go see what Esteban is up to." Vega said, skirting around Garrus and taking his leave. A tense silence fell upon the room and Garrus shuffled his weight from foot to foot.

"Shepard, I'm sorry if I misread your intentions." Garrus said finally unable to ignore the elephant in the room. "If that isn't what you want, it's okay. So long as you're still my friend." Shepard scoffed and Garrus felt his heart sink.

"I don't have friends, Garrus." Shepard took another swallow from the bottle and frowned when she realized it was almost empty. She turned to get another, but her legs refused to hold her weight and she fell forward. Garrus caught her mid fall and held her there, basking in her scent and heat.

"You may not see it that way, Shepard." Garrus said pulling her up and setting her feet firmly on the floor. He didn't release his hold though and Shepard felt her body grow hot in his embrace. "But I care about you as more than my commanding officer."

Shepard pushed him away and steadied herself on the bar. "Thanks for the catch." She said and began inching her way toward the beverages. She heard a low growl before being shoved back against the bar. It dug into her lower back painfully while his talons gripped her shoulders. She mustered the most venomous glare she could and fixed it on the turian.

"Dammit, Shepard, listen to me." Garrus said, hunching himself over so his face was level with hers. "I know you aren't used to anyone caring, but I'm not just anyone. I've been through it all with you. I've gone to hell and back twice now and I'm working on my third. When no one else believed you, I was by your side." He let out a heavy breath. "Spirits, Jane. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't even be here." He released her shoulders and stepped back. "I can't stand watching you push everyone away. I know you care. I've seen the pain in your eyes. The compassion you keep covering up."

Shepard's gaze dropped. She had tried so hard to not get attached. To keep everyone at arm's length. She was a soldier. People die. You move on. She'd lost Ashley, Mordin and Legion without batting an eye. Until she was alone. Until she could mourn where no one would see the despair and weakness. The galaxy needed a soldier. A hero. Not an emotional clusterfuck. She couldn't afford to let anyone see what was inside.

"I care about you, Jane." Garrus said slumping against the wall, his bravado suddenly lost. "Why is that so hard to accept?"

Shepard sighed, feeling depressingly sober. "Garrus…what if I die down there?" Her gaze met his and the anguish she saw there made her chest tighten.

"We're both soldiers." He replied in a weak attempt to deflect the question.

"Don't bullshit me, Garrus." She all but growled. "I'm not going to put you in that position. I just fucking refuse to make you attached to me, make you _love_ me, just so you can watch me die. That compassion I'm supposedly 'covering up' is why I can't accept it." She turned away, suddenly not in the mood to drown her sorrows in a drunken fit and made for the door. Garrus caught her arm before she made it.

"What if you don't have to make me?" His voice sounded small compared to its usual arrogance.

"Pardon?" Shepard raised an eyebrow and turned slightly to face him.

"If I already…do…then it doesn't matter. If you die out there, again, I'll be affected all the same." Garrus released her arm and rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Vakarian, but that just sounded like an admission." Shepard said, her heart pounding in her ears.

"Might've been." His mandibles flared slightly in a small smile. "I've put a lot of thought into this and I know how I feel. If you don't reciprocate, fine, but if you do and that fear of 'what if' is holding you back…don't let it. I'd rather share myself with you, here and now, than spend the rest of life wishing I had."

They were silent for a few moments before Shepard let out a deep breath.

"Fuck it." She said and threw herself at him.

The kiss was awkward at first, neither of them had much experience beyond watching vids, but they weren't in the frame of mind to care that they looked like inexperienced junior high schoolers. Garrus' talons found her hips and he pulled her close, her soft body melding against his harder one. Her arms wound their way around his cowl to the back of his neck and she pulled him closer eliciting a groan as her fingers found the sensitive flesh beneath his fringe. She smiled against his lip plates and massaged the spot. His hips bucked against hers of their own accord.

"Jane." Her name sounded so good coming from him, practically drenched in desire.

"Cabin." She said grabbing his hand and pulling her with him. They passed Kaiden on their way to the elevator and chose to ignore the jealous stare he threw their way.

"I bet he's pissed." Garrus said as Shepard pressed him against the elevator door and ran her tongue along the side of his neck. He tasted like gun metal and sunshine. Such a strange combination that worked so well on him.

"Fuck him." She rasped, scraping her teeth along his scarred mandible.

Garrus chuckled. "Pretty sure that's about to happen to me."

"Mmm…" Shepard sighed pulling at the clasps on his armor. He lent her his assistance in removing his chest plate and gauntlets and unzipping the top half of his undersuit. She paused and ran her fingers along his plates. They were warm to the touch and rough. So alien and _so_ enticing.

Garrus watched her examine him, fearing that his alien features would drive her away. But when she pressed a few tender kisses to his chest he forgot he different they were. He tugged at her shirt and she lifted her arms so he could pull it over her head and toss it onto the elevator floor, her boots followed soon after.

The door opened and they nearly tumbled out before Garrus caught the door frame and they righted themselves only to come back together once Shepard had locked her cabin door behind them. Their assorted clothing forgotten on the elevator.

Shepard set about removing the bottom half of Garrus' armor whilst he tore the white undershirt from her body. She paused momentarily to cock an eyebrow at him.

"Sorry." He said, the tattered cloth hanging from his talons.

"You are so hot right now." She replied finally finding the clasps that held the armor at his hips and popping them open. The armor fell away with ease. She stopped suddenly and Garrus worried that she was having second thoughts. "You might want to do the rest." She said gesturing at his legs. "I don't want to hurt your ah…leg things."

He chuckled lightly and bent down to remove his greaves and boots. "They're called spurs." She nodded mutely and set about removing her own pants. They met in the middle again, tongues clashing, hands roaming soft flesh and hard plates. Each searching for sensitive areas that elicited a groan or sigh.

Shepard's calves met the bed and they fell together. Garrus pulled away and Shepard whined in response, pulling at his shoulders.

"Jane wait." He said. "I want to see you." Shepard blushed in response but moved to help him unclasp her bra. He pulled the black fabric away and couldn't help but stare at her soft breasts. They were so completely different from anything he had ever seen before that he was surprised to find they attracted him. Shepard cleared her throat awkwardly.

"I'm starting to feel like a science project." She said her face reddening by the second. Garrus chuckled and cupped her right breast lightly, careful not to cut her with his talons.

"We can't have that." He said descending on the left with his tongue. Shepard arched and moaned in response, her hands catching in the sheets. Garrus teased her dusty pink nipple with his tongue until it hardened while his hand busied itself gently stroking the other. He switched his ministrations, laving her right nipple with his tongue and rolling the left between his talons.

"Oh…Christ!" Shepard moaned one of her hands finding his fringe and stroking it. He groaned. "You…watched the vids…didn't you?" She gasped out pulling his mouth away from her sensitive flesh.

"You bet I did." He said mandibles flaring wide in a turian grin. "Did you?" She chuckled and nodded in response. He 'hmmed' suggestively and bent down to give her nipple a final swipe with his tongue and she shivered.

He hooked his talons in her panties and met her eyes before slowly sliding them down. Finally bare before him Garrus took in the view. Her features were so full and curvy. The way her waist tapered in and then filled back out at her hips, followed by her strong muscular legs. And in between, his prize. A patch of red hair, slightly darker than what he was used to seeing greeted him and he smiled. She squirmed under his gaze.

"You're beautiful." He said running one taloned hand down her side to her thigh where he lightly pulled her legs apart. He squatted between her legs and inhaled her scent, feeling his body twitch in response. He snuck his tongue out to taste her.

"Garrus, I don't know if that's-…Ahhh!" Shepard cried out as he teased the bundle of nerves at her entrance, rubbing his flexible tongue around it in ways that had to be impossible for a human. _Damn shame._ He carefully slid a talon within her folds, mindful not to injure her and set a fast pace. "Gar-…ah…you're gonna…oh…make me…mmf…cum!" Shepard cried out, the intensity of her orgasm washing over her.

The bed dipped as Garrus came to lay beside her, holding her while she rode the intense orgasm out. She panted heavily and smiled at him. He nuzzled her forehead lightly.

"Is it your turn now?" She asked staring at him through her lashes.

"Well, I guess that's up to-" Shepard pushed him on his back and straddled him. "You." She smirked at him and pressed against his still clothed member. He groaned, his hands finding her hips.

"You," She leaned down running her lips along his fringe, "are a very dirty turian."

He chuckled breathily. "Is that a complaint?"

"Not at all." Shepard replied, her voice husky. "Just know that I always get my revenge." She slid off his hips and removed the rest of his undersuit, tossing it behind her where it landed on a couch. Her hands ran over his thighs and hips and found the sensitive skin at his waist. He groaned in response and his hips pressed upward in search of friction. He caught the smirk she threw him before her mouth descended on his member, taking his entire length at once. He cried out as she sucked him, something no turian woman could ever accomplish. The sensation was so new and pleasing that he had to imagine Mordin's warning of 'do not ingest' to keep himself from finishing too soon. Shepard's head bobbed on him and she pulled away, finally in need of oxygen, and gave his tip a few swipes with her tongue. He shivered.

"Jane…please." He begged her quietly and she complied, crawling back up so that she was straddling his waist again. She took his length in her hand and eased him within her, inch by inch. Once she was finally settled on him she gave a few experimental thrusts, pulling sighs and groans from each of them.

Garrus grabbed her hips and flipped them, unable to take the slow pace. One hand gripped an ass cheek with the other supporting his weight and he pressed into her fully before pulling out and thrusting back in. Setting a deep, quick pace. Shepard grasped his shoulders tightly and moaned each time he thrust back in. Her feet found his leg spurs and she used them for leverage to meet him at every thrust.

"Mmm…spurs." She said and he managed to chuckle through his desire.

Their cries grew in pitch as the end finally came and they lay together basking in the glow. Garrus rolled to the side, his member sliding out and eliciting a small gasp from his partner.

"That was…" He trailed off searching for the right word to describe what they had just shared.

"Mind blowing." Shepard finished for him. He pulled her close and smiled.

They lay together for a few moments and Shepard turned to face him with a strange expression on her face. Her brows knit together like she was trying to think of something to say.

"Jane?" Garrus asked apprehensively, brushing a lock of hair out of her face.

"I love you too." She said suddenly and dropped her gaze. He froze for a moment in complete shock before his mandibles flared wide. He pulled her close and pressed his forehead to hers.

"You've just made me the happiest man in the galaxy." He said and she smiled.

"Do…do we even want to know?" Traynor asked gesturing to the pile of clothing on the elevator floor.

"It's probably best to pretend we never saw this." Liara replied forcing herself to not imagine what was currently transpiring two floors above.

"I think its sweet…in a tear half of your clothes off in the elevator…sort of way." Tali said with her hand over her mouth piece. One could almost see the blush through her face mask.

"Should we…clean up?" Traynor asked glancing around to make sure no other crew members had come by.

"Goddess, I suppose so." Liara picked up Garrus' chest plate. "Put it all in my room for now."

"Keelah." Tali sighed gathering Shepard's boots and leaving Traynor to pick up the rest.

A/N: More on A Whole New Kind of Trouble II soon. Chapter 5 in progress. :] Leave love…cause it makes me feel…y'know…loved.


End file.
